Ah, it is Valentine’s Day when thoughts turn to love, and what inconclusive thoughts. Now wouldn’t you have reasoned that, after living on this planet for centuries, a formula could be identified that makes a relationship between a man and a woman take off and work? There seem to be essential ingredients to a good film, a good book, a good job, meal etc.
Let’s take a man’s seduction technique for starters, a little flattery goes a long way. A guy only needs to say, ‘You look lovely,’ with the right look of simple appreciation and, if this is a date, arrive on time to pick her up. Flowers are questionable. If she’s not become keen yet, they can imply too much emotional expectation from you. Plus, she’s about to leave the house, so now she has to go back into the kitchen and fuss around trying to find something to put them in. However, if you’ve come to dinner at her place, they are essential.
In the car, you say, ‘I thought you might like such-and-such-a-place,’ and take her there. You’re giving the strong message that a) you’ve got initiative - a big attraction, and b) you have considered her tastes and preferences – even if it’s not her favourite type of restaurant, considering is the winning ticket.
Beyond these key items; punctuality, attentiveness, initiative and consideration, I’d love to spend an evening with a guy who makes me feel reassured, confident and safe. He’s not going to be making innuendos and suggestive comments all night about his later intentions, and he won’t talk too much about his job.
It also occurs to me that the act of sex itself is something quite different for men and women. For men, it seems to be the end - seek out the target, plan the strategy, begin the operation. Once objective achieved, exit troops.
For women it seems to be a beginning. There’s a lot of browsing, evaluating, looking ahead to see how this is going to pan out over a certain time frame. Will he make a good husband, will he make a good father, is he good company, will her friends/family like him? Is he mean with money? Is he really untidy? Once she decides that she wants to make love with him, she’s beginning something that could last quite a while, maybe till you’re both old. Don’t smirk, it happens. So, if you don’t phone the next day, her ship of love has just been torpedoed. Hard for you to say sorry and climb back aboard the wreck if you’ve made that error. If you only wanted to fire the torpedo, fine, but don’t expect her to understand your short termism.
Maybe we need to adopt a more marketplace attitude to male-female relationships, setting out clearly what we need, what after sales service we expect, and what we’re prepared to pay. But, we’re too dreamy, romantic and optimistic to be businesslike, wondering what the other person may be thinking, trying to second guess and anticipate, when it would be easier and much more honest to openly negotiate.
We could stand in the square every Valentine’s Day each holding a placard and see if we can match up, and I suppose this is why internet dating should work so well, matching expectations and preferences - the only flaw is that people aren't always honest in their negotiations. Perhaps the man-woman transaction is a puzzle never to be solved.
Let’s take a man’s seduction technique for starters, a little flattery goes a long way. A guy only needs to say, ‘You look lovely,’ with the right look of simple appreciation and, if this is a date, arrive on time to pick her up. Flowers are questionable. If she’s not become keen yet, they can imply too much emotional expectation from you. Plus, she’s about to leave the house, so now she has to go back into the kitchen and fuss around trying to find something to put them in. However, if you’ve come to dinner at her place, they are essential.
In the car, you say, ‘I thought you might like such-and-such-a-place,’ and take her there. You’re giving the strong message that a) you’ve got initiative - a big attraction, and b) you have considered her tastes and preferences – even if it’s not her favourite type of restaurant, considering is the winning ticket.
Beyond these key items; punctuality, attentiveness, initiative and consideration, I’d love to spend an evening with a guy who makes me feel reassured, confident and safe. He’s not going to be making innuendos and suggestive comments all night about his later intentions, and he won’t talk too much about his job.
It also occurs to me that the act of sex itself is something quite different for men and women. For men, it seems to be the end - seek out the target, plan the strategy, begin the operation. Once objective achieved, exit troops.
For women it seems to be a beginning. There’s a lot of browsing, evaluating, looking ahead to see how this is going to pan out over a certain time frame. Will he make a good husband, will he make a good father, is he good company, will her friends/family like him? Is he mean with money? Is he really untidy? Once she decides that she wants to make love with him, she’s beginning something that could last quite a while, maybe till you’re both old. Don’t smirk, it happens. So, if you don’t phone the next day, her ship of love has just been torpedoed. Hard for you to say sorry and climb back aboard the wreck if you’ve made that error. If you only wanted to fire the torpedo, fine, but don’t expect her to understand your short termism.
Maybe we need to adopt a more marketplace attitude to male-female relationships, setting out clearly what we need, what after sales service we expect, and what we’re prepared to pay. But, we’re too dreamy, romantic and optimistic to be businesslike, wondering what the other person may be thinking, trying to second guess and anticipate, when it would be easier and much more honest to openly negotiate.
We could stand in the square every Valentine’s Day each holding a placard and see if we can match up, and I suppose this is why internet dating should work so well, matching expectations and preferences - the only flaw is that people aren't always honest in their negotiations. Perhaps the man-woman transaction is a puzzle never to be solved.
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