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Under pressure

No posts for so long? Bin’ working innit? Deadlines, you know the drill.

Okay, I just need to whine now, for quite some time.

Can’t print, won’t print? Phone the helpline. Spend the next forty minutes moving all your furniture, pulling out your printer and your computer, disconnecting cables from the back, trying to find numbers that are unreachable and, when you find them, are printed so small that they are indecipherable to the naked eye.

The man in Delhi or Bombay may have a little trouble understanding RP English but it doesn’t matter if he thinks your name’s Samantha when it’s Amanda, or that everything you say has to be spelled out using the phonic alphabet: name, address, serial numbers, ad nauseam, because he’s been trained to say, “Thank you for your patience,” at frequent intervals. He can’t see me crawling round on the carpet with my office in a state of chaos, and so 'impatient' I am almost in tears.

His advice: to unplug cables and plug them in again. I could have done this without the forty minutes of impenetrable conversation. I have to be forceful, “I’m sorry, but I have no patience for this,” and I have to repeat it, firmly, before I can replace the receiver. Never let them see you bleed.

I am left alone in the wreck of my office, wires and entrails everywhere, but at least I no longer have to try to make myself understood. Always communication isn't it? Partners, PCs, helplines. 'There is a problem communicating with your ...'- insert selection of your choice here. Heeeeeeeeelp………
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